Has anyone ever told you, “be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it”? I’m feeling a little bit of that right now.
I have been waiting for years for Dave to finish his PhD. The process of him graduating has been brutal on both of us and we have always been looking forward to when it was finally going to be over. We have always said things like, “we’ll be able to start our life” and “we can finally do everything we wanted to do without being tied to grad school”. Well, we’re about to get our wish. Dave has been offered a wonderful job with a decent salary which just happens to be 1,200 miles from where we call home - in a city where we don’t know anybody and our nearest relative is five and a half hours away. Wish granted.
While this new life in a new state sounds like a fun adventure, (and in some ways, it kind of is), the reality of everything has finally hit. I’m.moving.away.from.everyone.and.everything.that.is.familiar.to.me. And I’m panicking.
Frankly, this leaving everyone and everything I love thing wasn’t really calculated into our grand graduation and “moving on” plan. Surely moving on and moving away meant that everyone I love would come with me, right? I guess not. Realization has hit and I’m pretty upset. In the last couple of weeks I have cried after every time I talked to or hung out with a friend or family member. Yesterday I even broke down in a movie theater after seeing a movie with a friend and her six-month-old daughter. It was the first time that someone besides Dave has seen me break down. I’m a wreck.
So, while new adventures are on the horizon (only 3ish weeks away, yikes!) I’m having a hard time dealing with the sad parts of moving on; not being around for every day occurrences with friends and family, not being there for family events, missing the changes and milestones of all of the little ones brought into this world in the last year and a half, missing the comfort of knowing that great friends are only a short (or a little more than short) drive away, knowing that the job I love will be in the hands of someone else, and not already having a place for me to “fit” into my new world. It is clear that I have taken the simple things in life for granted.
Sure, there are some things I am looking forward to like visiting new places and watching Dave’s career bloom, but right now I am just sad about the loss of our current, familiar and convenient world. It is an interesting roller coaster ride. So remember, be careful what you wish for.
I totally understand the overwhelmed feeling, and I've cried thinking about the fact that you're going so far away and so soon! It will be rough, but these challenges are designed to make us stronger, right?
ReplyDeleteAww I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed and sad. I know exactly how you feel, every time I've moved I get a little sad about what is ending, no matter how wonderful what ahead is. I cried, and cried a couple days before my wedding because even though I was obviously excited about getting married, I was sad about everything I was leaving behind. It's still all there though, just in a different way. I know this is lame advice, but it's so true, once you get there, you get settled, and into a routine, it will be so much better. I promise. Lots of virtual hugs until then though!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Sarah. We're sure going to miss you when we meet for Saturday bible study. I'm happy for you both though and I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends in no time. After a while your new home will feel like home. I loved your advice and I've often reminded myself to be careful what I wish for. Christine H (google is no longer recognizing me or letting me comment on a few friend's blogs. Blah)
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