A resolution for 2014: Support my fellow parent

While browsing Facebook the other night I came across the post below from a friend from high school:

My knee-jerk reaction was "yeah, some people just aren't cut out for this parenting thing"... and then I caught myself...

You see, I've been THAT MOM in Target where everything was going along fine and then out of nowhere my infant son starts screaming at the top of his lungs. I quickly did a sniff test of the diaper which came back clean, nothing was pinching or hurting him, taking him out of the car seat and holding him didn't help, he ate just 45 minutes ago but even so, offering the spare bottle I brought wasn't cutting it. Nothing from my bag of tricks was working. So there I was, trying to walk and bounce my one-month old son in the middle of Target while softly singing his favorite songs, desperately trying to grab the items I needed so I could make my quick exit. Onlookers scowled at me, others watched with pity as I struggled to balance my screaming baby, push the cart, and grab the items I needed. But nobody offered help. I'm sure judgement was passed on me but what those people didn't know is that nobody wanted my son to stop crying more than I did. What they didn't know was that I was out of diapers and wipes and some essential food items and I figured that Target could be my one-stop-shop to get everything I needed and go back home as quickly as possible. What they didn't know was that it took me three days to muster up the courage to leave the house with my baby who needed constant attention from me for fear of this situation happening. What they didn't know was that it took me all day to try to schedule his feeding and nap times around showering, gathering items for the diaper bag, and loading the car. What they didn't know is that I was crying on the inside wishing that this trip would just end.

Even though the parent mentioned int he Facebook comment should have been giving more attention to the fact that their child was in a potentially dangerous situation, I quickly had a change of heart about my friend's post. All of a sudden I was fired up and angry at how quickly they passed judgement on this parent, and I was ashamed I had initially done the same.

When you see a parent struggling you don't know if they have had a rough day/week/month/year and their kid's behavior has left them challenged, frazzled, overwhelmed, frustrated or exhausted. Kids can be energetic and loud and are great at testing their boundaries - especially in public. And we have to take them out in public to apply the behavioral lessons learned at home. Not doing so is like assuming your degree alone will get you a job and real-life experience doesn't count. And Lord knows that you can't really control children, only teach them as they grow. My goodness, if we could so easily control our children this parenting thing would be a breeze! And let's not forget that if the child has a learning or developmental disability (autism, anyone?) then there is sometimes little the parent can do to predict, advert, or manage their child's actions.

I've seen it time and time again on social media, blogs and in real life. Observing a person's one action leads to judgement of their entire life. "That mom is letting their child throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. They're a bad parent!" How unfair and how selfish of us to assume we know everything about a person in just a moment of observation. How awful of us to stand there and watch parents struggle and not offer assistance. I was ready to take action!

In my frustration I wrote this response to the Facebook post:

While there is no excuse for letting a toddler loose in a parking lot, the parent was probably overwhelmed and exhausted trying to wrangle a high energy toddler all day and probably could have used your helping hand to guide their child back near the car. Instead, you stood idly by and now mock them on Facebook. Good for you.

But I didn't hit post. It's not really my thing to get into discussions or arguments on Facebook and I wasn't looking to start an argument. Plus, I didn't want to come off all high and mighty because I am certainly not winning any parent-of-the-year awards over here. But I have re-channeled my frustration and resolve to make a change in 2014: I want to be an example of Jesus' love for us, and follow his calling for us to love one another. And I think I'll start with parents.

I believe that we all do our best and that we operate with the best of intentions. Some people only see a blip of our lives and that blip certainly doesn't tell the whole story... where some see a moment of weakness or oversight, God sees the whole picture of who we are. While others may look at a dandelion and see a weed, God looks at the same dandelion and sees a flower blooming. I want to see the flowers, too.

It's time we supported each other in this parenting journey, even if you don't have kids. We're all in this together. Everyone's children will inherit the world we leave them, so why not make it a better place to be?

So next time I see a parent struggling with a tantrum-throwing toddler in the store, a back-talking pre-teen at Starbucks, or a child running loose in a parking lot I will do what I can to be a help and support, not be just an observer. Whether it be a smile and nod letting them know "I feel your pain, hang in there" or physically helping a child make their way back to their parent, I want to be genuinely helpful (and hopefully not creepy).

Maybe you'll join me, maybe you won't. But in all sincerity, if you have some ways that I (or anyone) can be a help and support to other parents in a non-creepy way leave your thoughts in the comments. I'd love to hear them.

Here's to a great 2014 and to making our community a better place for parents & kids, and all who encounter them along the way. Cheers!

Hello 2012!

Holy Cow, it’s 2012! Can you believe it?!

We rang in the new year last night with some of our CA friends! We hosted a little party for our bible study and other church/work friends and we had a great time! There was a chocolate fountain, hot chocolate bar (with various additives and flavored marshmallows), and a few other yummy snacks and drinks as well.

2011 was a year of change for Dave and I with Dave finishing his PhD and us moving across the country for Dave to start his new job. It was the start of a new beginning for us and 2012 will be the continuation of our new adventure! We have lots to look forward to in the coming year:

• I start my new job on Thursday! Since moving I have been setting up our new home and supporting Dave in his transition into this new job. But now that we’re settled in, I started applying for jobs and was offered an awesome position. God is so good.
• We hope to start growing our little family some time this year.
• We can’t wait to see where Dave’s new career takes him and what opportunities it will provide for him.
• We look forward to getting more involved with our church and all of the great friends we have met.
• We will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary!
• We will surely be headed back to Colorado a few times this year to visit family  and friends and celebrate some milestones of loved ones.
• We hope to explore California a little bit more and enjoy all that our new home state has to offer.

Thanks for reading my blog and keeping up with all that goes on with us - it looks like we are going to have an exciting year!

I hope you have an amazing 2012!

Happy New Year!

Happy 2011! I hope you all had a great time ringing in the new year with friends and family!

We had a really fun night celebrating with my siblings and their significant others (minus Kelly who went to a wedding - we sure missed her!). Me, Dave, Curtis, Daché, Erin and Zach headed to downtown Denver to spend some quality time together and ring in the New Year!

We started out by having dinner at P.F. Chang - which turns out to be a favorite for all of us! We enjoyed being able to chat and to get to know one another better.

After dinner we headed to the Cheesecake Factory to pick up some yummy cheesecake to take home. We then headed outside to catch the 9:00 downtown fireworks in the -5 degree cold. Yes, -5 degrees. It was COLD! But worth it for the fireworks! I tried to take a few pictures of the fireworks but since it was so cold my hands were shaking and the pictures aren’t that great. Sorry!

After the trek to the Light rail station and the ride home we got into our pajamas and watched Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve until after midnight. Did you see New Kids On The Block perform? Ah! It brought back so many memories! It was definitely my favorite performance of the night. My family thinks I’m crazy since I sang along with all of the words, but that’s ok with me.

We rang in 2011 with champagne and sparkling white grape juice and festive party hats and leis and noisemakers. Some people fell asleep before midnight... eh hem, Curt and Daché… but that’s ok, we forgive them because they live in Texas.

I hope you had a great New Year’s Eve and I hope that God blesses you all in 2011. Happy New Year!

Welcome 2010!

Whew! What a whirlwind holiday season! It comes and goes so fast that you hardly have time to realize it is happening - and then it's gone! And now we begin the year 2010 (that's twenty-ten according to AP Style).

There are so many things I am looking forward to this year:

• Friends' weddings
  
• The birth of friends' and family members' babies
• Seeing where my brother will land in his career path
• Getting to know another supervisor in my work role
• Watching Dave graduate with his PhD (finally)
• Seeing where we end up after Dave's graduation!

With a new year also comes the opportunity to try to do some things better in life. I know, you can make a change at any time, but it seems like a new year gives people that extra push in a better direction. At least that is how it seems to work for me! Here are a couple of things I am hoping to do better with this year:

• Saving money - Sure, we have a savings account and contribute to it each month, but then usually have to turn around and pull money out again to do things like replace broken electronics, fix cars, pay car insurance deductibles... you know, cover those unexpected expenses. So I'm going to make a better effort at clipping coupons, making our dinner menu based on what is on sale at the grocery stores that week and spending less at the grocery store on snacks and desserts. 
• Losing weight - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do this every year. I think my downfall is making a lot of huge changes all at once. So this year I am going to take tiny steps, one at a time, to gradually change my routine and lifestyle. I have also joined The Biggest Loser Pound for Pound Challenge along with some of my co-workers and now I have some support at work to help me make better food choices throughout the day. Let me tell you, it is a whole lot easier to not snack in the break room if everyone else isn't doing it either. In the last week I've already lost two pounds. Go me!
• Finding more joy at work - It may seem like a very rewarding job to help feed the hungry, but in reality it is not all beer and skittles. It is very draining to constantly see people in need; I mean, the waiting room is always full, people come in when we are closed for distribution telling us their sob story about how they don't have anything to eat and used their last bag of change to buy enough gas to get here etc., etc. and after doing this for over three years I have sort of become numb to it all. I need to refocus, reenergize and find that passion I once had for helping those in need. I know I can do it, I just need to try harder!
• Refocusing on MY family - And by my family, I mean the one Dave and I created when we got married. We don't spend enough time starting and maintaining our own traditions, especially during the holidays. While we love spending time with both of our families we need to really work harder at putting a priority on what we want/need to do for ourselves and then decide what the best way to spend time with our families is. It sounds kind of selfish but what I mean to say is that we need a better balance and I'm hoping we can figure out what that is this year.

Well, I guess that does it for now. I hope everyone out there has a very rewarding and fulfilling 2010. And stay tuned, who knows what will happen in our lives; whatever it is, it is usually entertaining. Happy 2010!

Hello 2008!

I hope you all had a wonderful end to 2007 and beginning to 2008... mine wasn't very glamorous as I had flu-like symptoms and spent a lot of my evening blowing my nose, napping and praying to the porcelain gods... but I did manage to make it over to some friends' house (with my wonderful husband's help) and ring in the new year with Dick Clark (that poor guy), a silver party hat and lei, a yummy cup of Strawberry Jell-O and a kiss on the forehead.

So far this year is off to a rocky start; I was sick, my supervisor/boss was offered a job at another company and he’s also having family issues so he’s taking leave from his current job (so I’m stuck to deal with some choice co-workers all by myself for an indefinite amount of time), one of my friends had her fiancé call of their engagement (and relationship) just months before the wedding which I was a bridesmaid in, and I am on a diet. Ironically, I started the diet because I was told by the bride’s step-mother that I needed to lose three inches off my waist to fit into the bridesmaid dress…

There are also some wonderful things that I have to look forward to this year: being the Matron of Honor in one of my best friend’s wedding, looking totally hot if I stick with Weight Watchers, more great work experience, my first wedding anniversary with my prince charming, earning vacation hours at a rate of 3.72 hours every two weeks, becoming a certified volunteer manager, watching a younger sister graduate from high school and getting to be there for her through her first semester of college (I hope she pledges ZTA!), initiating and re-installing my collegiate ZTA chapter, Dave being done with his LAST college class, my mother turning the big 5-0 (but she won’t admit this yet), spring/summer trips with friends and family, and watching my family and friends’ lives change throughout the year!

I hope that you, too, have a wonderful 2008! Let’s keep in touch!